I can't tell you how bad the elevator at ballys smells. Like twenty
years of people sneaking a puff between reps.

Peanut butter and rice cakes have impressed me with their power...

"Oh thank Heaven"? That's a little pretentious. "Oh thank the clerk
who sold it to me" maybe, but Heaven would have better coffee than this.

Well said.

We don't fit in nature.

Trees rock.

And all the actors wait to flail about, texting friends they hope are
cool, making plans they hope will matter.

Little Feet

Little feet.

Hi I'm here to see Dr. Gevorkian.

Sold with, "Just Goose", "All This is is Turkey", and what I bought,
"Lotta Goat".

All the cool kids floss with it.

Some weird borderline psychotic need to nest. To deal with defects by
decorating. I am obsessed, and I match.

This kid is my hero. Plain and simple.

No pressure or anything...

Reading listings for theatrical auditions, I came across one from the
producers of America's Most Wanted, casting for the role of
"Norcal Rapist", who, we can only assume, did some rapin' in and
around Northern California.

Clicking on the breakdown, it specified that anyone auditioning must
look exactly like the police sketch, which leads me to believe that
the only person who would be right for the role, is the Norcal Rapist
himself. So, because of this casting snafu, this episode is never
going to get made, and the Noral Rapist will further evade capture.

It is in this way that Hollywood ruins everythying.

Mornings like this morning where waking up in my amazingly comfortable bed I stuff my head further down into the down and wonder where I made the move one way when I should have gone the other. They’re not things you can regret – these steps you’ve taken, reguardless of the patern you used, it led you here, and nothing can change that. The only degree of change you can exerpt is on what steps you have yet to take, and if you’d like to learn about these steps send $25 to Ben Morrison care of “Steps to the Stairs of Life”, 5409 Carlton Way, Los Angeles, CA.

How the hell is it possible I missed these two hairs and they grew so
goddamn long. I can feel them tickling the inside of my nose.

Does this guy honestly look like a president?

This guy looks like he should be working, at the Circuit City he is
currently working at.

Awwwww yeah.

Waiting to go up is one of the most memorable parts of being a comedian.

"Now pissing off G. 1. 1. 3. At window number 21"

Based on this picture we can assume that most people's PIN #'s contain
a 7, 8, 9 or 0. That and I often wear flip-flops to the bank.

Hmm, didnt know he was listed.

I sense a recent shakeup at the 49er Cafe.

Kaiser Permanente's logo seems like the last thing you'd see if you
died at the beach...

That palm tree is SUCH a narcacist.

This guy checked in and was asked if he wouldnt mind waiting 20
minutes because I was early. In broken Korean he said it was OK cause
he got a good parking space anyway.

You're allright with me Mr. Lo.

Oh fuck you Ethos brand water.

Why do I feel that someone in this office is about to snap?