All hail Stanley Kramer, the least famous person on the Hollywood walk
of fame.

Now this is a job I'd show up on time for.

"My Ex-Girlfriend"

LA's the only place you'll see a manequin with fake tits.

So the surgery is on.

Some of you may know that I am almost totally deaf in my left ear.
Because of a long life of inner, middle, upper and lower ear problems
I have lived with basically no hearing in my left ear much to the
annoyance of people in bars and anyone on my left side. Agitated by a
never-ending string of ear infection, my auditory woes ran the gamut
from station tubes, surgery on the middle ear, a bacteria dissolving
the ear drum after surgery, ear-plugs for the hole that the bacteria
dissolved and finally another surgery to seal the hole that was
created after the first surgery went south - the whole ordeal
resulting in a properly sealed ear drum and useless acoustics from the
left side-on.

But then I discovered the ear popping trick.

From about when I was fourteen I discovered that whenever I'd go high
up in elevators or lift-off in a departing plane, I'd momentarily get
hearing back in my left ear. The second I swallowed, de-pressurizing
my middle ear, the hearing would leave, but for those glorious one to
two minutes before I had to swallow it was incredible. I soon learned
that if I held my nostrils together and blew, I could reproduce the
effect and I began doing it whenever I'd listen to music - whole
sections of my desert-island songs would shimmy to the front in ways
I'd never heard while lyrics I could never quite make out came
screaming to my brain like waves of chocolate fury. But then, I'd
swallow, and it was gone. It was back to saying "What?!" anytime
someone tried to speak to me in a loud place, back to executing my
little cross-to-someone's-other-side-pirouette whenever I found myself
on someone's useless right side, back to smiling and nodding in
response to someone's sentence which might as well have been Swahili
for all I understood.

But tomorrow it's time to fix that.

After an exhaustive hunt for facts involving three different doctors,
a law-school's worth of tests and two postponements due to
un-postponable colds, it's time to open her up and see what we can
fix. The ear-popping trick was pushing two things together that
weren't touching and at one thirty tomorrow Dr. Lim rides in to town
to clean out the riff-raff and mend some bridges.I bought a new
THX-certified home theater system for Christmas because of a rebate I
never used, and after tomorrow I'm looking forward to finding out
exactly what that means.

And yes I'm doing this cause I want to, but I'm also doing it because
I owe it to the pubescent little freshman who kept popping his ears to
"Enter Sandman" to say I tried. Life is the culmination of triumphs
over what scares us and that pimply student deserves to know that when
it came time to exit the night and enter the light I went with open
arms, cause that's what I heard I should do.

That and I'm getting some Vicodin.

Yeah I got a saw in my pocket.

Should this be a question? This hospital sucks.

Its a gift from god!

TK as it turns out is handicapped. I now feel bad about my previous
post.

If this is TK's car, TKs an asshole.

You get the feeling hed've rather been a jewler.

it would be unwise to break into this family's house...