A cracked screen is one of the many dangers of practicing unprotected iPhone.

Women should stop calling them boyfriends and start calling them the
end of the conversation.

At the Classy Awards with Jamie Lynn Siegler hosting, nominated for
"Volunteer of the Year." Thank you everyone.

The problem with guys is that after awhile a pile of dirty dishes
looks like a fort.

Just got yelled at for loudly reading the sex quiz in Cosmo on Amtrack.

You know you need to lose weight when your stomach flab becomes a good
iPad stand.

Apples eat credit-cards.

Hey did anyone see the first episode of The Real Housewidows of Beverly Hills?

Where the fuck is Mergatroid?

Microsoft is like the company that owns every nursing home in the country.

The problem with those laser-activated toilets is that a guy can't
stand up and admire his handiwork.

Did you know Elliot Smith left a suicide note? It's called his music.

Los Angeles. Sure the people you don't know suck, but the ones you do
are are pretty cool.

JDate's as barren as the desert they came from.

Holyshit today is Wednesday. I have been operating as if it was Tuesday all
day. Time-travel is forgetfulness.