Somehow I lost my wallet while walking home from Ralphs tonight, my arms akimbo with Sunday groceries. When I realized my wallet was conclusively nowhere in my apartment my breathing began to quicken as I envisioned the administrative hell it would be to replace everything contained within it.
As the slow and foggy panic set in I checked my email as I do every nine seconds to find not one but TWO emails from a one Mr. Charles Southward, informing me that he had found my wallet and might I want something like that back? I called him immediaetly and said that yes, getting my wallet back might be nice, and 15 minutes later I was being handed my wallet by my Mr. Charles Southward not a couple blocks from my apartment. He was a nice guy, smoked a cigarette and kind of looked like an older Billy Dee Williams. An older Billy Dee Williams in the movie where he has my wallet.
So thank you Charles Southward. The universe needs more people like you. Visa and Master Card, thankfully, do not.
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From Crohn's Advocate Magazine - A Lighter Look at Crohn's.
Hello friends. My name is Ben and I've had Crohn's Disease since 1997 when papa Crohn made digesting kind of hard. Ironically I was kind of an overweight kid in High School and losing 30 pounds in a month was actually kind of nice.
And if you laughed at that, Good. If you didn't, try. Laughing about Crohn's is incredibly therapeutic and I'll never forget how I found this out.
I was 23 years old, dealing with a nasty flare, and was doing stand-up in a small club near Columbia University. On this particular night I was totally bombing and as my mind went blank a letter I had received popped into my head. In it my insurance was declining payment for a recent colonoscopy on the grounds that ‘It wasn't a necessary procedure’, and still baffled by how anyone could think a colonoscopy was ever elective I decided to open up to the audience. “Do they think I was sitting around really bored one day being like, 'You know what, I haven't seen the inside of my own rectum in awhile and I got six thousand dollars just layin’ around, what say we go and get probed!?." The audience exploded with laughter. Crohn’s, as it turned out, could be funny.
That night changed how I look at my disease. In that one moment I had communicated to a room-full of strangers that I had a digestive disease and in a certain light, my digestive disease was hilarious. Never again would I let it scare me into silence when the truth was funnier than all the other jokes I had actually spent time writing.
Since that day I've made it my mission to get people to communicate through humor. The worst thing you can do is to crawl inside of yourself because you think you can't talk about what's happening with you, especially when it might be some grade A material. Is there anyone who can beat us at a farting contest?! No. And I got the story to prove it.
So try and allow the funny to flow, it's been put there for a reason. If you find the guts to make jokes about yours I promise you people will listen. Heck, you might even get a laugh or two. Sure worked for me.
14 November, 2008
I am a Sweaty Bastard
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bastard. Yesterday I went to do an interview in Griffith Park and I
wore a collared shirt and walked to the location cause I can. Halfway
up the walk I looked down to see pools of sweat forming in my blue
shirt, which made it look like reefs underneath the surface of the
fabric. When I got there I said hello to my friends and had to stand
on the porch, catching some nice up-breezes in an effort to dry out my
shirt before the interview. And I admit it now. I am a a sweaty
bastard.
I throw out most of my collard shirts because of pit-stains. I've
tried every possible type of deoderant and or anti-perspirant that
claims that it doesn't leave anything on shirt, and I can tell you now
- they're all wrong. A persistent sweat-gland and an armpit that's
determined enough can ruin a shirt the color of sweat, trust me. I
took this picture attempting to look cool / quirky and all I can think
of when I see it is me looking stupid / sweaty. And I don't know what
to do about it.
Which is making me sweat.
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